The Cheesecake Factory Must Die
Beware the Cheesecake Factory in downtown Waikiki, for it will lead to your doom. While in BYU-Hawaii you will surely encounter indomitable peer pressure to make the sojourn at least once.
Don’t give in, remember what you stand for and know the tactics of the enemy who would see you spend significant amounts of money and time on what is the most over-hyped and craptacular dining experience Oahu has to offer.
It’s a sad but common scene: friends gather in a vain attempt to determine how to spend the evening. Ideas are tossed out. Playing board games is quickly vetoed. For whatever reasons, the campus movie holds little appeal. Then it happens, a girl innocently suggests it might be fun to eat in Waikiki.
It always starts with a girl. Her eyes start to gleam with hope. Then the rest of the girls quickly jump in on the bandwagon. Scientific experts are undecided whether if the phenomenon truly starts with just the one girl, or if the other girls are secretly in on it from the start and merely put on the façade to con the unsuspecting men.
What is clear is the idea of going to eat in Waikiki has gone from an obscure notion to the only conceivable thing the group can and will do for the night within 10 seconds flat. Please note that even though the girls will often say they want to “eat in Waikiki” this is in fact doublespeak for “We’re eating at Cheesecake Factory and nowhere else.”
No other eating establishments will be considered.
Sixty minutes later you find yourself on Waikiki strip and waiting in front of the restaurant with some weird pager in hand. The hostess who handed it to you tells you the wait will be about an hour and a half and the pager only functions in close vicinity of the Cheesecake Factory so not to wander off or you could lose your reservation.
Of my three trips to Cheesecake Factory, the average wait has been two hours. The longest I’ve waited was three and a half hours. If you’re in a particularly large group of ten or more people, expect to wait even longer.
Once inside, you might admire the modern décor and elegant furnishings. More likely is you’ll wish you’d brought an aspirin because it’s nosier than a pack of elephants and people walking around everywhere.
From start to finish the fine waiters and waitress will pressure you order fast, eat faster and vacate immediately. Once we were served our food, within five minutes our waitress was back asking if we were ready for our check yet.
The sad thing is the food is average at best. It’s the same quality you can get at Chili’s in Mililani or Ruby Tuesdays in Ala Moana. Not to mention that you will be paying more for your Cheesecake Factory dining experience. Expect to fork out around $11.00-19.00 dollars for your food, add another $3-4 depending on your drink, $7-9 for your appetizer and about $8 depending what kind of cheesecake you order.
Also note parking on the strip can be described as an adventure. The valet parking Cheesecake Factory offers fills up quickly. Other parking areas around the strip and even at the zoo will require a little hike to get to the restaurant but even they’re usually filled up once 5:00 PM rolls around.
The Cheesecake Factory suffers from its inability to live up the hype. Frenzied service, steep prices and a long wait in line make the experience haphazard at best, although the girls somehow find a way to enjoy their experience regardless and emerge even more determined to drag you back next time. For the wise, there need not be a next time, or even a first time.
Now you know the horror that is the Cheesecake Factory — and knowing is the half the battle.
December 5th, 2005 in Travel |
